Sunday, November 23, 2008

Quantum of Solace

Reason I don't like doing Bond reviews is that I was a Pierce Brosnan fan-die hard...though I still cannot decide Connery, Moore or Brosnan. However, my tato self and thousand of celluloid hours only remembers Brosnan more and this Craig seems to be messing everything up for me.

Surprisingly I had given Casino Royale a fair review way back then...and since my fans (all two of you) have asked here is this review.

1. First of all I repeat, I get the whole Backstreet "lets go back...way back!" I get the whole this is Bond before Bond. Before the gadgets...before the women...I get the whole Eric Benet "love don't love me"-hell-bent on being a ruthless brut. I get it all. But I strictly don't see these as the roots Bond, James Bond.

This isn't Spiderman revealed slow...where we slowly get to see Spiderman evolve. No, this ain't Smallville where we deliciously watch Lex Luthor evolve. This is more of a revolution, devolution whatever is the opposite of evolution that would have Charles Darwin reconsider his theories.

2. Evolution?
However assuming there is more to come..if evolution is what we are seeing N.B with an even older M ( Love you Ms Judi Dench...) I still don't envision where all of this is leading too.
-How the hell does a sequel...a direct sequel not contribute anything to this concept?
-Instead of understanding this Bond more...I hate him more....
Where does this all lead to? In Star Wars prequels we longed for when good turns evil with the birth of Darth Vader!
This Bond has been rebranded...I refuse to believe this is Evolution.

3. So what does the Tato have against this brut?
-he makes Ethan in Mission Impossible look like a better Bond.
-he reminds me of Jeniffer Garner in Elektra and Ben Affleck in DareDevil and those are not movies you want to remember
-he has the making of Jack Bauer and we all know there is only one Bauer (look out for season 7 btw!)
-simply put he is not the BOND I want. Not the one I grew up watching.

4. Hyper-editing.
Yup I got that from a review I read and I agreed. I love me some fast action with senseless speeds. Shield always delivered those hand held camera chase scenes. I learned to appreciate such was worth living for. But that first scene was just too much. I didn't even see the car/s. Casino Royalle had a really great first chase scene and I don't see why they felt they had to feel challenged to rival that...when they could have done better in other scenes.

5. Sequel
Why didn't anyone tell me this was a direct sequel? A bond sequel? Are you for that the reason it sucked? Maybe if it wasn't a sequel it would have been a whole lot better?

6. Bond Theme?
I didn't even like this all! Evidently even last time I was screaming "bloody murder"
about that same point. Shame on you Alicia Keys and the other person you sung it with!

7. Bond Gadgets?
Yeah what about them? How would I review them when I didn't see any!

8. Bond Girls? we are being told this was Bond before Bond. So yeah forget the Bikini's...forget the lusciousness...Evolution...Not this Bond.
And that Love making scene...for a Bond hurt by love he sure is doing fine. (and no that is not the point...that's not how he became BOND!)
Again where is Money Penny?

9. So...

We are expected to digest this unpalatable dish. Embrace a new cooking style...a new plate...a new spoon for eating spaghetti...a different chef...a new dish served shaken AND stirred.

10. Bond Quotes. more Bond, James Bond no more Shaken not Stirred...

RATING: 5/10...cause of the time I spent but it's I who should get a lesser rating for watching it in the first place.

At the end of the day:
Lousy action
Lousy story---blah blah blah running renegade...bluh bluh is that Bauer...bluh bluh bluh revenge and breaking all the rules.
No element of surprise and cheap thrills...

Quantum of Crap!