Deliciously Violent Movies

There is a difference between gore from horrors and sheer raw, graphic violence! The latter has nothing to do with scaring you, nothing to do with sending shivers down your spine but quite the opposite. ONE makes your heart beat faster the other makes your heart stop! Cold, clean and crisp VIOLENCE. Violence delivered naked, up close and personal that you gasp in shock! Especially when they writers spring one on you,thats the best violence. The type you do not expect to happen or expect to be shown! Wham Bam thank you Ma'am!

Now when they say violence on the movie screen has adverse effects perhaps this is what they are reffering to off late.

1. Shooter



I kept thinking about you Movie Buff. This is a good movie with some serious sniper action that will leave you astounded. Cold blooded killing...yes! yes! yes!

"I am the Senator of the United States" says the senator...to which he is silenced close range.

2. Apocalypto




Why no one spread the word on this movie I will never know. Some of those scenes were just wrong. Fighting with a jaguar!? A spear impaling you through and through...people being beheaded...talk about a little ejaculatory joy of violence.

3. 300



Nothing like choreographed violence with spurts of slow-motion!!!! OH YESSS!!!!

4. History of Violence



I think this is the first movie I've ever seen with such open violence. Damn! Up close and personal...this movie had nothing to hide...not to mention that sex scene with Viggo and Mario Bello was as real as real gets. What a ride..I'm not talking bout the sex but the movie...that too!

5. Children of Men.



It was a tad slow... a tad boring on the futuristic aspect...but they way Julian oore get shot. Note since she is a big star you don't expect her to die so soon. WHAM! The sound was spectacular as well and near the end some fighting and shooting scene leaves your mouth open and dry.

6. 24.


Season 5 episode 1: The death of David Palmer. I did not see that coming...let me rephrase...I still don't believe the killed Palmer like that. Barely 2 minutes into the season premier...direct shot to the neck. I couldn't belive my eyes. How? Why? Seriously are you allowed to kill a major character? In fact I was wondering where the hell they get off doing that!

Season 6 episode 4:Death of Curtis. Cold blooded..again a direct shot to the neck. BRUTAL! If you want to get rid of a character there are gentle ways of doin it than that. Look at Curtis above...look at that neck..wait for it....

The Departed

Movie event of the year! Why bore you with long tales of how great the movie was when you could easily summarize.

If you have not watched this moive I urge you to go running. Consumate fine actors...the level of supporting acting is on a superior level. Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen...and Mark Wahlberg are exceptional. Matt Damon and Jack Nicholson play villains with utmost perfection. Leonardo stunned me the most cause he is so mature in this movie. It was pure pleasure watching this ensemble team in action.




This movie is screaming Oscar Oscar Oscar! Hopefully Martin Scorcese gets his much awaited oscar.

The writing was spot on! ... so was the cursing!...so was the violence!

The suspense was spot on. You don't see that ending coming!

Jack Nicholson...yes yes yes! Stay away from comedies..this evil roles were made for you!

So as I do my last Couch Potato post of this year while celebrating the year I broke box office records by watching 53 movies at the big screen. Of which I repeated 4. This was a good year and Departed was the best way to end the Tato year!

Funny Golden Oldies

I like doing flashback posts...and nothing is more worth it than reminiscing over good laughs! These movies if I recall well had me laughing in different styles. Talking of nostrils never quite recovering. Laughing from deep down and expressing it in a noise that resembles that of laughter. This was inspired by KM who we have been reminiscing with funny moments.

These are classic gems and I pray that you have watched at least some. I had already mentioned Mrs Doubtfire in a previous post so here are some more...

So if you'll are wondering what to get me for christmas....surprisingly most of these were Christmas movies.

Tommy Boy



Rest in Peace Chris Farley but this movie will forever be one of my funniest!David Spade was totally out of this world here...great stuff!!!!Great scenes...with him spanking mr naughty. Chris singing "fat boy in a little coat..." Them singing rock in the car..and then change of scene they are crying singing sad love songs...

Look at that mad-funny tagline. "if at first you do not suceed, lower your standards!"


Three Amigos


What else do yo expect when you team up Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short? do you remember their song? Funniest bit was Chase and Martin running out of water in a desert and they are dying of thirst...and Short is there pouring water all over his face!

Roxanne


Steve Martin at his best. That chick getting locked out of her own house feeding that cute cat...precious! That NOSE!!!!

National Lapoon's European Vacation and Christmas Vacation.



Both were laugh out loud the Griswald family that entailed a whacky dad. a kinky mom a dumb bro and a smart ass sis! I loved Christmas Vacation better-there is this part where they hit soe serious potholes and the sis thinks she has had her first period!


Home Alone 2.


For some reason I really found this funny! Poor sticky bandits!


Blazing Saddles.


Lord have his mercy.Punching out an OX? LMAO!

Homeward Bound



This was such a classic. Sassy was the most gorgeous cat with sarcasm and nasty one liners!She was cool and calm and bitchy!! The 2 dogs were great as well.

R rated movies of R time

Dedicated to Patron Saint and Aco who is on the bilaz train. Patron saint had had an R rated encounter of late...

Back in the day this was as close to porn that we could get...the fact that they had running storylines was even all the whole lot greater!



Basic Instinct

oh yes! what a story line! what a duo!
Douglas had created a niche for himself. The story line was great.
Sharon stone was fabulous and we all remember that famous cris-crossing of her legs.

Grrrr Hrrrr Prrrr















Fatal Attraction


Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, a jilted lover demanding strings after a one-night stand. Let no woman come between her not even a BUNNY!

Glen Close at her best!
Douglas again






Nine and a Half Weeks

Kim Bassinger had come a long way

















Specialist



As Gloria Estefan's song said "turn the beat around...turn it upside down...get it get it up right now...the violins are moving to the nitty gritty...guitar scratchin..."

You remember the trailer ...Stallone...Stone...The Specialist













Fair Game


Cindy Crawford and her mole, and William Baldwin=Better believe it equals fair game.

No story line but....






Disclosure


Oh yeah Douglas you thought you had your game till Demi Moore turned the tables...didn't you feel like a piece of meat?!

Go Demi Go Demi Go!






Indecent Proposal



Demi Demi Demi...so for a million bucks would you sell off your wife?

Woody Harrelson, Demi and a very rich Robert Redford

Best of Sit-Coms

F.r.i.e.n.d.s

Ten years and it only got better. We loved them. Laughed with them. It boasted with enough super-star guest appearances. I never missed any episode and I probably could recite a few off heart. One of the best sit-coms ever! The depth of each character within the first few episode is what captivated most people

Funny thing is Chandler was my favorite character-he reminds me too much off me, but over time I realized Ross was very underrated…and up to now it arguable if I liked Ross or Chandler more. Phoebe on the other hand wins that place hands down! Oh R.I.P Phoebe and your one-lady guitar songs!

Malcolm in the Middle:

Season one will be my all time best. Never have jokes been delivered in such a manner. Intelligent jokes that hit you a few seconds later!

4boys and whacky parents. Dysfunctional had a new meaning and spelling. Has the best writing for a comedy…spit out/choke out funny!

Of the extras I cherished:

Stevie: The poor medically and physically handicapped best friend- who’s disability was the punch line of any jokes. His parents were also a bag of laughs!

Craig the poor loser assistant that lived with a cat, and pined for LOIS-who could care less if he existed or dropped dead!

Grandma Ida: Gosh this woman was the devil incarnate!

Just Shoot Me:

Raw and Nasty. A publishing magazine…A rich father, a competitive daughter, a womanizing photographer, a cheeky smart-ass assistant, and an ex-super model turned slut! What a cast!

Golden Girls:

An all time classic. Its amazing how such a show survived, in fact some episodes would have just the four of them…and the jokes delivered were lethal.

This was an 80's show that was way ahead of its time!

Cast:
An overly confident and social slut!
A dumb blonde!
A nasty old mom whose words cut like a knife!
A nasty daughter whose sarcasm compensates for her inept life!

Frasier

Two Harvard Trained brothers, who happen to be Psychiatrists! Arrogant, rich, elitist snobs! I will admit that this show has high-class humor! Run for a good 11 seasons! It has the record of winning the highest amounts of Emmy’s!

Scrubs:

It’s rare to get a comedy that will captivate you in terms of on going story line and the jokes behind. I will admit Season 1 didn’t do much for me...perhaps because I was following it on a weekly basis. But luckily I got DVD’s for season 2-4…and Season 4 seems to be the best ever!

As usual there is the slapstick humor! The nasty one-liners! The cat-fights and bitch-fights! It’s a modern day Ally McBeal meets Just shoot me. Cheap humor with intelligent wit! You never go wrong with such a mix!

Each character is severely flawed, and when you mix them up you get one of the best shows out there! Officially, it has been put on my top ten comedies of all time!

Outstanding feature about the show is the depth at which we know the minor roles like: The Todd, The Janitor, The Lawyer Ted, The assistant nurse Lavern, The incompetent resident Doug, The nasty Ex-Wife-Jordan

Pics courtesy of Wikipedia.com

Mrs. Doubtfire

There are comedies that come once in a life, this happens to be one of them. It's probably one of my best white comedies of all time. Each scene is laugh out loud and full of knife cutting remarks that a nanny that age shouldn't utter at all.

FUNNY AS HELL.SNORT GRUNT OUT LOUD HILARIOUS!




The annoying thing in this was seeing Pierce Brosnan in such a small role.



Some of the funniest moments were his/her boobs catching fire. Him at the employment agency with different routines. "BACK OFF !" as he hustled a hustler trying to mug him on the streets.

The subtle unseen middle finger to Pierce Brosnan


Killer Qoutes from this Nasty Nanny

-"Hello Dearie!"

-"Off your Mercedes, dear, you own that big expensive car out there? Oh, dear. Well, they say a man who has to buy a big car like that is trying to compensate for smaller genitals."

-"Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the old Cunning Linguistics?"

-"Oh I'm sorry, am I being a little graphic? I'm sorry. Well, I hope you're up for a little competition. She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear. It's her own personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She uses it and the lights dim, it's like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth."

-"it was the drink that killed him!"
was he an alcoholic?
"No it was the guiness truck that hit him!"

Dance Movies

Forget FlashDance forget Fame...forget Save the Last Dance...with newer movies like Honey and Shall we Dance( which I will admit had some serious lines..."The rumba is the vertical expression of a horizontal wish. You have to hold her, like the skin on her thigh is your reason for living. Let her go, like your heart's being ripped from your chest. Throw her back, like you're going to have your way with her right here on the dance floor. And then finish, like she's ruined you for life.")

I grew up on Breakdance. Not to mention it was the fisrt tape I borrowed when we first got the first video a Sharp VCR that had a remote control that had an extension cord you would have to plug it into the machine.

I am also the Proud owner of the original LP album of Breakin and Breakdance...y'all have no idea how I had to finish them peas to get them albums.

Dance Movies were made of this...

Breakin'

Some struglling Street breakdancers meet beautiful classy ballet dancer!


Welcome to the land of OZONE, BOGALOO SHRIMP and KELLY

Dayum watched it 26 times and probably can recite the words

Let's not mention the killer soundtrack with Chaka Khan's "Ain't Nobody" and

Ice T's "Reckless"












Breakdance 2

Yup caught it on big screen as well. There was a song that was done by Carolyne Townes "Believe in the Beat" somebody hold me down Im getting misty










Fast Forward

Some strugllin dancers.



I only remember these songs

"out on the edge with my back turned against the wind, i'm on m own like a young lion hungry...you're the one who'll keep on standin' when all around you fall , you'll live to....SURVIVE""

"fast forward fast forward"



and some chick sayin that to avoid gating raped all you have to do is " look him in the eyes and kick him in tha balls honey!"



Ice T's Reckless:

Verse 1

Once upon a time a DJ's task
Was just to play records, what more could you ask?
But then came remixes, scratching and cuts
Which was too much for many, drove some DJ's nuts
But the DJ named Glove has reigned supreme
As the turntable wizard of the hip-hop scene
So listen to him, check him out, but remember this
When The Glove's on the wheels of steel he's Reckless

Verse 2

This high-powered music is truly unique
As The Glove cuts the rhythm to the hip-hop beat
He moves like a madman as he spins his disc
He's the number one scratcher on the DJ list, he's Reckless

Verse 3

Now I've seen DJ's, too many to name
Some gained recognition and even fame
But when you talk of MC's, Ice-T is the best
And when you talk of DJ's, forget the rest, Glove's Reckless

Verse 4

So listen very closely as The Glove throws down
He cuts like a razor to the big beat sound
Dave's layin' down a groove that we know you'll like
With The Glove on the turntables and Ice-T on the mic, we're Reckless

Verse 5

So listen to the music, let your mind feel free
Realize you're with the master G-L-O-V-E
Dave and MC Ice-T, you know you're with the best
Because when we're in the mix you know the groove is fresh
and Reckless, Reckless, Reck-Reck-Re-Reckless

Toilet Humor Classics

Not many understand toilet humor...perhaps I am the only who loves cheap jokes and cheap jolllies. Well this is just a short post on Toilet humor comedies as I work on another post of my best 'clean' comedy movies! As much as Chicks are allowed to have their Chick Flicks then guys should be alowed to have their Toilet Humor Jokes!!!!

Comedy before used to be very moderate with definite limits but the following movies broke the mould and pushed the limits to the edge.

There's Something About Mary




This is where I'd say that it all started. Back in 1998...wow this had us rolling in laughter and shocked and dismayed that Oh Hell No they did not go there!


That picture of Mary with her hair rising to the occasion is the pure comedy right there! WOW.
As for Ben Stiller's piece gettin stuck in the zipper twice...I think he even zipped over one of his testicles...damn...at his prom date's house...and him getting whisked away in ambulance with background people yelling "we have a bleeder" and "he was masturbating" Pause and finish laughing!



American Pie




Wow tempo just kept getting better and better and so was American Pie 2.

That dad is just a killer. Stiffler managed to steal the show in this series by American Pie two he was the star of the show. I loved the guy who slept with Stiffler's mum as well ...woe unto him when they pranked him with a does of ex-lax!

Road Trip




This was one crazy trip with cheap jokes and the toilet humor was plenty!
From Three fingered rectally induced ejaculations to that guy having relations with the big boned black chick. Oh this was great!



Scary Movie





One of the best comedies and spoofs of all time. Even two had some good laughs especially the Exorcist scene!



Van Wilder



There is this part where they send a basket of baked goodies to their enemies in another fraternity...loaded with semen from their bulldog...high point of nasty humor!



Do you remember this line? said by the indian guy who was also in "Harold and Kumar"

Tit! Oh, mommy. Most Indians would say "cow" because they are sacred, but I hear "milk," I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah! And I would like to be your assistant very much, Mr. Van Wilder.